What the HECK is a ball?

What a weekend!

Friday was my alone day. I was heartbroken and lonely all day, and it should be illegal to do that to a dog all day. I hated it. I just wanted someone to love me and play with me, all I had was a bat and a stuffed bone. Who can I call to report this? I need to report this.

Saturday. We went to the mall again! And wanna know what I saw again? Those balls with tails that roll around on the floor in the middle of the mall! I want one. I am asking for one for my birthday. Who is gonna buy me one? I need one, I need it! (But I left them alone at the mall because I was working.)

Today. TODAY WAS A GREAT DAY! I GOT A NEW TOY! Wanna know what I got? I got a ball! I don't know what a ball is but I got one! It rolls and moves by itself I think. I barely touch it and off it goes! I'm also supposed to "fetch" it when a human throws it. Don't they know I don't "fetch?" If they want the ball they can go get it themselves. I want the ball. I don't want you to throw it 30 feet for me to have to run after it, just give it to me already, jeeeeze. Ugh these humans just DON'T GET IT. 

____________________

Westin was SO EXCITED to see me when I got home on Friday, you would have thought I'd have left him for a week or more! He's doing alright with his training, he is still defiant and just doesn't do things that I know he knows how to do (like "down," for example) but he goes into his crate with a push and will let me put on his gentle leader if it means he gets cheese. He behaved well at the mall, no issues there.

So where IS our issue? Fetch. He just doesn't get it. We broke out the tennis ball today. He honestly didn't have any idea what to do with it at first! He just batted it around and I had to throw it a couple times before he picked it up. But eventually, he did fetch with the ball today, maybe 6 times for treats, then eventually walked right past me because he was bored. He did it again later and stopped after 3 times.... oy. We really have our work cut out for us, here! Anyone have any tips to help teach a retriever to retrieve? Also looking for hints that might help me to teach him to pick up his leash and his dish... or pick up any item on command, really.